The Wenis, the Triangle and the Pervert
by Lynx Akita
Summary: Life becoming a struggle? Need to laugh your head off? This is a story in which the Phineas and Ferb characters are pushed into the real life. Slightly perverted and only some chapters contain yaoi.
1. Suzy Johnson Wants to Be a Stripper

**Hello friends. I have come back after a long while because my internet connection was taken from me (STEALS! ****) but do not worry dear mates because I bring you a new…story, shall we say? The title itself is supposed to be humorous. If you don't know already, a wenis is the little piece of skin at the tip of the elbow, the triangle is supposed to be Phineas's head, and the pervert is the author. J This story is divided into sections and is supposed to bring joy to the ones who are sad and alone. If this doesn't make you laugh or gross you out then, well, you're probably not a funny (or perverted) person. Enjoy. **

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><p>1. Suzy Johnson Wants to Be a Stripper<p>

(This one is oddly in character)

"Hey Phineas, Ferb." Jeremy Johnson said as he and his girlfriend Candace walked into the boys' backyard.

"Hi, Jeremy. What's up?" Phineas asked Jeremy.

"Candace and I are going to go out on a date and nobody's home at my place, so I was wondered if you could watch my little sister," Jeremy explained.

"Sure thing!" Phineas smiled at Jeremy.

"Thanks." Jeremy said. Little Suzy Johnson looked up endearingly at her older brother then made a "pout-y face".

"I don't wanna stay HERE!" Suzy said with a little baby voice.

"It's safer. I don't want you to be home alone anyhow," Jeremy said.

"…Okay then…" Suzy frowned. Jeremy smiled at both Phineas and Ferb. Ferb shot Jeremy a thumbs-up.

"Don't worry, we'll take good care of her." Phineas said. With that, Jeremy and Candace took their leave. "Ferb, can you get the blueprints so we can start off on our best day ever?" Phineas asked. Ferb nodded then quickly rushed into the house to fetch the blueprints.

"Hey Phineas…" Suzy mumbled.

"Yeah, Suzy?" Phineas said, smiling at the little one.

"What's porn?" Little Suzy Johnson asked. Phineas stayed silent then sighed.

"Something very inappro…something very bad," Phineas said.

"I know it's bad but what is it?" Suzy asked.

"It's when…well, it's when women or men take off their clothes and take pictures of themselves," Phineas explained.

"NAKED?" Suzy gasped.

"Yes. Naked." Phineas said uneasily. Suzy stayed silent for a few moments before asking her next question.

"Hey, Phineas?" Suzy mumbled.

"Yes, Suzy?" Phineas said wondering when his stepbrother would finally arrive with those darn blueprints. (Ferb would be SO much better at explaining these things).

"What's a stripper?" Suzy said.

"It's when women or men wear inappropriate clothing and get paid for being…well…bad," Phineas said.

"Oooh…" Suzy said in delight.

"Why are you asking me these questions, anyway?" Phineas asked.

"I wanna be a stripper! I'll get paid for being NAKED!" Suzy said delighted beyond all means.

"No, no, no, no, no, Suzy! That's bad. B-A-D! BAD! You do NOT want to be a stripper! Strippers can easily get STDs or have to pole dance or something!" Phineas said nervously.

"What's so bad about pole dancing? Jeremy does it all the time." Suzy said irritated.

"Jeremy does WHAT?" Phineas said deeply shocked.

"It's not so hard being naked when you're PAID to do it!" Suzy said. Suzy walked up to Phineas, looked at him straight in the eye and shouted:

"NAKED TIME!" and she pulled down Phineas's pants and underwear. Phineas quickly pulled his pants and underwear back to waist and shoved Suzy away from him.

"DON'T DO THAT!" Phineas shouted angrily. He felt humiliated beyond all means.

"Why? Strippers do that sort of thing all the time!" Suzy said.

"They strip themselves NOT the people around them!" Phineas shouted.

"They can do both," Suzy muttered.

"I am going to have a serious discussion with your brother when he gets back!" Phineas screeched.

"Fine then! But don't you ever deny that one day little Suzy Johnson is going to be a stripper!" Suzy said delighted.

"Excuse me?" a British voice said.

"FERB! Thank god you're here! Suzy-"

"Wants to be a stripper?" Ferb said shocked. Phineas nodded.

"My dear god. Now I'll have to run around the streets, with ashes covering me, with my head shaven, totally naked," Ferb said.

"Damn straight," Suzy said.

"DON'T SWEAR!" Phineas said.

"You just don't wanna be like me, Phineas Flynn!" Suzy said.

"Of course I don't! I have NO desire to be a stripper!" Phineas shouted. "This world is just messed up!"

"Well, of course it's messed up to you," Ferb said. "You were created by Disney and because you were created by Disney you're entirely innocent."

Phineas had nothing else to say except one more thing.

"WHY THE HELL DOES JEREMY JOHNSON POLE DANCE?"

End of 1.


	2. The Stick of Life!

**I am VERY glad you enjoyed the first one. I'm a little worried the second one won't be as funny but try to enjoy it anyway. The video mentioned in this chapter is actually on youtube and is called "Shotarella" by Len and Kaito. DON'T watch it if you like bananas. **

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><p>2. Taste My Banana<p>

Ferb was enjoying life today. Despite him and Phineas not doing anything today he still felt happy and was enjoying himself…by eating a banana and drinking orange juice.

"FERB! FERB! FERB!" Phineas called out rushing down the stairs.

"What, what, what?" Ferb said curious yet a little irritated Phineas broke the peace.

"I saw…this…this…eeehhh…" Phineas seemed disgusted, shocked, and in wonder.

"What happened, Phineas?" Ferb asked concerned.

"I saw this video on Youtube. Baljeet showed me this video and said it was supposed to be sexy and I myself was a curious monkey so I wanted to watch it. It was NOT sexy, it was disgusting!" Phineas explained.

"How was it disgusting?" Ferb asked curious. "DON'T go into detail or else I might vomit." Ferb warned.

"Okay I won't," Phineas promised. "So, I began watching the video and this blonde haired guy begins to sing about having some sort of deep sex with this other guy with blue hair. Then apparently the blonde hair guy says that the blue hair guys…um…THING…is a literal banana!"

Ferb instantly dropped the banana he was eating and spit out the banana pieces in his mouth. Now he felt like by eating a banana he was giving someone a blowjob. Ferb took in a gulp of his orange juice.

"After that I didn't want to eat a banana AT ALL!" Phineas said. "Then that reminded me of orange juice and how it is equivalent to cum!"

Ferb spit out the orange juice. Unfortunately he had spit in Phineas's direction.

"DUDE! You could've told me these things AFTER I ate the banana and drank the orange juice!" Ferb screeched.

"CRAP!" Phineas shouted. "Wait a minute, don't you mean BEFORE you ate the banana and drank the orange juice. Irritated, Ferb said:

"Have anything ELSE you wanna tell me?"

"Oh, YES-"

"FUCK!"

End of 2.

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><p>3. IT'S A STICK!<p>

Ferb walked into Phineas and his bedroom. He felt irritated because summer vacation was almost over and he had the worst homeroom teacher assigned to be his tutor for what reason he didn't know.

"Phineas!" Ferb called out. Phineas crawled out from under the bed holding a backscratcher. "Phineas Flynn, what the hell is that?"

"IT'S A STICK!" Phineas announced cheerfully.

"Phineas, that's a backscratcher."

"No, it's a stick…OF LIFE!" Phineas screeched happily.

"What?" Ferb asked confused.

"It's a STICK of LIFE! It comes from God therefore it's a stick of life," Phineas explained.

"Phineas, that's a backscratcher. You know, the thing that Dad is always scratching his back with?" Ferb said. He didn't like the fact Phineas was acting like an idiot so he decided to gross him out. "Or the thing that Candace scratches her chest with."

"What?" Phineas asked shocked.

"What, what?" Ferb asked.

"CANDACE HAS TAINTED THE STICK OF LIFE?" Phineas screeched out. "NOOO! MY CHILDHOOD IS RUINED!"

"Phineas, it's a backscratcher!"

"It's a STICK OF LIFE!"

"Phineas, will I have to take this "stick of life" away from you?" Ferb threatened.

"NO! You mustn't touch it…" Phineas whimpered.

"Well, why not?" Ferb shouted.

"BECAUSE it's a stick of life!" Phineas stated.

"YOU'RE TOUCHING IT!" Ferb screamed.

"I AM INNOCENT!" Phineas called.

"Damn it. Give me that stupid stick!" Ferb said taking out his hand.

"NEVER!" Phineas rushed out of the bed and ran down the stairs, to the left and into the bathroom.

"Phineas, open the damn door!" Ferb said banging on the door.

"NEVER! You shall not bestow temptation on the Stick of Life!" Phineas screamed. "Do I have to remind you the Seven Deadly Sins so you know WHY you mustn't touch the stick?"

"You're treating the stick like it's a god!" Ferb yelled.

"That's because IT'S A STICK OF LIFE! GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEAD!"

"PHINEAS JAMES FLYNN, IT'S A FRICKEN BACKSCRATCHER!" Ferb screamed. Ferb sighed. "Do you want ice cream?" he asked.

"YES!" Phineas said.

"I'll give you ice cream if you give me the Stick of Life, Phineas." Ferb said. Phineas opened the door and handed the backscratcher to Ferb.

"Let's go get some ice cream!"

End of 2.

**These ideas just come and go into my head. :) These stories literally come from when I'm drinking loads of pop, with my friends, on a ramage about logic. The next chapter is going to be a little scary. Not as in horrifying but as in...oh my god I can't believe I just read that. xD I'll try my best to make it a hilarious chapter. :) **


	3. Doof The Booty Shaker Sneak Peek

**Hello! I am back and I love all of your reviews. *Hugs and gives out cookies* =) This chapter is the embarrassing-funny chapter. I'm a little embarrassed to write this…but…ah well. It's for the laughs. **

**Here's a sneak peek because I am too busy to work on it. ****J Also, I have a deviantART now where I will be posting a comic. My user is LynxAkita1 **

4. Doof the Booty Shaker

"Hello, Agent P. Doofenshmirtz had invented the Buttshakinginator! I don't even know WHY he did…but it is your duty to go and stop him! Major Monogram out."

Agent P nodded and jumped, did a front flip in the air, then landed right into his hovercraft. He started the engines and the hovercraft flew out of the headquarters into Doofenshmirtz Incorporated.

There, in plain sight, was Doofenshmirtz wearing only a thong shaking his butt.


	4. Logic Doesn't Work That Way

**Aaaahhh! Sorry I haven't updated! I had brain surgery, eye surgery, MRIs, Kumon, Spotlight Theatre, my god! I need some laughter myself so I have decided to do this.**

**Please Enjoy! **

5. Logic Doesn't Work That Way

"Good morning, Ferb!" Phineas said, instantly waking up with a bright smile on his face.

Ferb, on the other way, woke up with irritation and annoyance.

"What's up with you?" Phineas asked. Ferb looked at Phineas and growled.

"Can you explain something to me?" he asked.

"Sure!"

"How the hell did we build a mothertrucking rollercoaster in one day?" Ferb demanded.

"That's easy to explain!" Phineas beamed. "It's because we ordered the parts, signed a contract, and build it quickly!"

"You don't understand anything, do you?" Ferb asked.

"Understand what?" inquired Phineas.

"How did we order all that?"

"EBay,"

"Do you realize how long it takes for EBay to send good-to-use rollercoaster parts in an entire truck?! Months! Possibly years!" Ferb screeched. "To top it all off, where did we the rubber snakes, the mud, the blowtorch, AND the time?!"

"Well, we're Phineas and Ferb, we never say never."

"THIS ISN'T THE TIME TO BE QUOTING JUSTIN BIEBER!"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry!" Phineas said. "It's just Isabella really likes his music and she said I remind her of him, or he reminds her of me…I don't know—"

"Goddamnit," Ferb sighed.

"Hey, that's a bad word!"

"Bloody is a bad word too, but you use it all the time," Ferb pointed out.

"…I'm American! Respect my awesomeness!" Phineas stated.

"And I'm British, respect my intelligence,"

"Can we please stop arguing? Aren't we suppose to be having the best day ev-"

"THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! Children under the ages of 6 or possibly uneducated adults are constantly watching our show for entertainment and THIS is the BEST thing you can come up with?! Unexplained coincidences, a strange daily pattern, a walking, talking, GREEN, hat-wearing Platypus!?"

"Shh! You're not supposed to acknowledge we're made up Disney characters! You'll crush the hopes and dreams of a child!" Phineas shouted.

"THE FUCK?! We're made up Disney characters?!"

"Oh yeah, I was going to tell you that when the episode ended." Phineas mumbled, embarrassed.

"WHAT?!" Ferb screamed.

"It's like the Matrix. Pretty cool, huh?"

"I hate this!"

"I think it's so interesting that we're changing the lives—"

"This explains why my hair is green, why Perry is a Secret Agent, why Candace doesn't have a brain—"

"—and that we've been inspiring young children to go outside and have a great—"

"This is why it's been four years and summer hasn't ended yet!"

"Baljeet believes that in a way, Dan Povermine and Jeff Swampy Marsh are like gods of our Universe,"

"This is why Isabella likes Phineas instead of me!"

"Isn't this just GREAT?!"

"Aaaaahhhh!"

_It's a random song, yeah!_

_Because this episode, _

_Has been way too long, yeah!_

_It's a random song, yeah!_

_Logic don't make sense_

_In this Universe,_

_So go on, accept the_

_Laws of Physics, _

_Phineas & Ferb,_

_Or else I might get a lawsuit! _

_It's a random song, yeah!_

_Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!_

_It's a random song! _

"What the FUCK was that?!" Ferb cried.

"That happens EVERYDAY and you haven't cared until now?" Phineas asked.

"It's because nothing makes sense anymore!"

"Phineas, Ferb! Come downstairs and have some breakfast!" Linda Flynn shouted from the bottom of the stairs.

"Okay, Mom!" Phineas said. "Hey, Ferb, I know what we're going to do today!"

"NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!" Ferb screamed. "We're NOT following this illogical crap ANYMORE! Let's just go downstairs, eat breakfast, and play Call of Duty like regular eleven year old kids,"

"But, dude, that's boring," Phineas said.

"I just want to break this neverending cycle," Ferb mumbled.

"Uh, okay?" Phineas questioned.

As the boys walked downstairs, they noticed something out of the ordinary. Nobody was downstairs. Once the boys entered the kitchen, there were two three-dimensional men sitting on a couch that was randomly in the kitchen.

"Hello, Phineas, Ferb," one of the men said.

"Who're you?!" Ferb asked.

"Our names are Dan and Jeff Swampy. We have gathered you here today-"

RANDOM CLIFFHANGER!

**I will do the Doof the Booty Shaker thing, it's just been a long time, and I had a brain tumor in my head when I had been plotting out the story for that particular skit/short. Since the surgery, I've basically lost 5 good years of memory. :/ It really stinks. **


	5. What'cha Doin? Literally

What'cha Doin?

Phineas woke up during 12:00 PM, sweating like a maniac. Oh, Suzy...those HORRIBLE things she had said and done! Phineas couldn't bring himself to think about anything else. Which is why he couldn't build anything else either.

Perhaps he could attempt to build something today.

"So, Ferb," Phineas asked, looking at his stepbrother, who was currently building something—that looked small, but oddly important—in deep concentration. "What do you want to do today?"

Phineas froze after saying that. Do. He didn't like the sound of that. No, he hated that! He should probably rephrase his sentence.

"What would you like to construct today in our backyard with our technology?" Phineas said, trying to sound appropriate and clean.

"What's with the random change in sentence? And aren't you usually the one with the ideas?" Ferb responded.

"Why don't you do—" Phineas coughed. "You should think of an idea today instead of me—err—no, you should construct an idea while I take a breather—" Phineas wanted to scream. Nothing sounded right!

"Why don't you hang out with Isabella today, Mr. I don't want to do anything today," Ferb said.

"Don't say that!" Phineas cried.

"Don't say what?"

"Do!" Phineas shouted. "Don't say "Do" it sounds wrong!"

"What is wrong with you? Five days ago, you say "do" like it was the cleanest word in the world." Ferb stated.

"I don't want to talk about it…I'll go see Isabella," Phineas said.

"You should put some clothes on first before you

head out that door," Ferb said.

"I'M NOT WEARING CLOTHES!?" Phineas cried out.

"Your morning clothes. Not your night ones," Ferb pointed out.

"Oh! Oh, okay!" Phineas said. He quickly opened the bedroom closet door, and stepped inside to find his clothes.

There was a knock on the door.

"Yes?" Ferb said.

"Hi, Ferb. Is Phineas still asleep?" Linda called out.

"No," Ferb replied.

"Is he okay?" Linda said.

"He's in the closet right now," Ferb stated.

"Oh…um, all right then," Linda said before walking away from the door.

After two minutes, Phineas walked out of the closet with his regular attire.

"I'm going to go to see Isabella now," he told Ferb.

"Okay then, have fun." Ferb said.

When Phineas walked downstairs to fetch some bagels and cream cheese, he noticed his parents were starring at him.

"…Yes?" Phineas said.

"Is there anything you want to talk about, Phineas?" Lawrence asked.

"Um, no…?" Phineas mumbled.

"Well, even if you're ready or not to tell us, we'll always love you," Linda said.

"Uh, okay? Thanks?" Phineas said. "I'm going to Isabella's now,"

As Phineas walked out of the house, Lawrence and Linda looked worriedly at each other.

"I hope Phineas' orientation won't harm their friendship," Linda said.

"Well said, darling," Lawrence replied.

Phineas walked up to Isabella's house, gently knocked twice on the door, and rang the doorbell.

Vivian answered.

"Oh, hello, Phineas! Did you want to see Isa today?"

"Yes, ma'am," Phineas replied.

"Would you like to come inside?" Vivian asked.

"Sure. Thanks, Ms. Garcia-Shapiro," Phineas said, stepping into the Garcia-Shapiro house.

"Isa! Phineas is here!" Vivian shouted. In a flash, Isabella raced downstairs to see Phineas sitting on the couch. She beamed excitedly.

"So, Phineas, what'cha doin'?" Isabella giggled excitedly. "Do". There it was again.

Phineas gulped nervously, trying to push all the thoughts away.

"J-Just wanting to see you, that's all," Phineas laughed nervously.

"Hey, Mom, don't you have some errands to do today?" Isabella hinted at her mother. "To do". Oh no, not again. Phineas shook his head vigorously.

"Oh-Oh! Yes, Isa. I do," NO! STOP IT! "I'll get going then. You two have fun," Vivian said, picking up her purse and quickly walking out of the house.

Isabella sat next to Phineas on the couch.

"So, why isn't Ferb here?" Isabella asked.

"He's busy, uh, with a, um, project," Phineas mumbled. Phineas could feel his heart pumping very quickly. He didn't know why.

"So, uh, how are you?" Phineas stuttered.

"No 'I know what we're going to do today'?" Isabella asked.

"N-No," Phineas said. "What would you like to…construct today?"

"Me?" Isabella asked.

"Uh huh," Phineas muttered.

"Well, I know what I want to do today,"

…

…

"Phineas…?"

…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaggghhhh!"


End file.
